these scenes were allegedly retrieved from a well-nigh fried laptop brought into a small North London repair shop, and leaked to the internet by the unscrupulous repair technician. Tsk.

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Nick Frost as Clive
Simon Pegg as Graham
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It's heavy, heavy rain, at dusk, and no one else is out on the road. Graham drives the 1996 Honda Civic slowly along a small town road in South Dakota, peering, face close to the windshield.

Clive - (finishing up a text message, reading it aloud): Pissing down all of the day, nothing else on really, xox, oxoxo, xox. Not that there's enough signal even to send a text.

Graham - Gas Station!

C - Thank god. (he slips his reading glasses into a metal cylinder sort of glasses case [1]) 

The car parked in the lot near the pump. Clive is seen indoors at the counter paying, then dashes through the rain, clutching a big rasp with the bathroom key attached. [2]  Graham is in the car, hunting through a case of sleeves of CDs.

Graham, still seated at the driver's wheel in the car, has Paul the Bear in his lap. Chewing on some free range organic turkey jerky, he slips an unlabeled CD into the player.

Mika's "Lollipop" DJ Scientist mix, [3, actually imagine this not quite as fast. Link is to youtube for the soundtrack that this is choreographed to.] 

"Hey! What's the big idea?"

Clive looks incredulously at something written on the bathroom wall

"Ooooh Yo Mika!"

Mika's "Lollipop"  starts pounding out. G's expression shifts to incredulous amusement.

Just  then the rain lets up, stopping pretty quickly. and some beams of setting-sunlight are visible through the vast grey sky. When the words start his lips sinc

G - "I say sucking too hard on your loll -"

G (slaps a hand over his mouth, aghast of this autonomic response to the bubblegum pop)

Again a view over G's shoulder of the fantastic glow of the late sunset in the rapidly clearing sky.

When the higher pitched reiteration of the chorus comes, G abruptly begins dancing wildly while seated, thrusting his chest like a hoochie mama.

"Say love say love's gonna get you down"

"I went walking with my mama one day"

C copies something off the bathroom wall onto a scrap of paper.

"when she warned me what people say"

C scribbles something out with his sharpie on the wall

"Live your life until love is found"

Back at the car, a shadow figure appears abruptly at the window, backlit by the gas station lights, and G jumps in startled fear.

It is, however, Clive, and he relaxes as Clive opens the driver's side door.

G - What the fuck's this, pray tell?

C - (raising an eyebrow with a slight shoulder raise) Must be Tasmin's.

G gives an incredulous, amused glance back.

C - makes a tiny finger motion in time with the music, and G cranks the volume up.

"Singing!"

G jumps out and starts doing the pony, rather like Mick Jagger imitating Tina Turner.

C responds with a disgusted glare.

G pokes him irritatingly, this leads to a little slap fight.

Strange interlude: They start a line dance that echoes the one in Boys in the Band, [4] doing the steps but with only a smidge of camp. Arse grab by Graham, of Clive's.

Zwoop back to 'reality', again, not clear whose fantasy sequence that was.

Slappiness ends as C grabs G's hand and pushes him away

Strange interlude: or rather, spins him into a twirl. They do a slighly clumsy, very understated lindy hop. Without the hop part, actually. [5]

"Mama told me what I should know
too much candy gonna rot your soul"

G spins in and  they do a few close steps

"if she loves you, let her go!"

(G sings along emphatically, gesticulating to the sky, with this following  line, C giving him a squeeze around the waist)
Cause love only gets you down!"

"take a look at a boy like me
never stood on my own two feet"

Zwoop back again to reality

"Now I'm blue as I can be"

In a not-quite dance move, Clive sends G careening across the parking lot and directly into a Sheriff Ed Tom Bart [6], who looks somewhat, but not entirely, like Boss Hogg. But in a sheriff 's uniform, and a bit smaller and younger.

They all freeze for a moment.

"Oh love come get me down!"

"Singing!" 

Clive reaches into the car 

"Sucking too hard -"

and slaps the CD player off.

Sheriff Bart's hand is resting on the handle of his gun. He looks them up and down, a neutral seeming evaluation.

G - Excuse me, officer.

Sheriff - I was just going to ask you - gentlemen - to turn that down.

G glances around automatically - no one has emerged yet after the rain, no one else is near enough to possibly be disturbed by the music. He thinks better of protesting, however.

G - Of course, sir.

Sheriff - And perhaps you'd better move along.

C's examines the Sheriff intently, frowning nearly imperceptibly, his lips parted and showing his front teeth, as G backs away from the Sheriff and into Clive's left arm. G starts slightly, and C discreetly smooths his hand comfortingly across a bit of G's back before they move apart. This does not escape the Sheriff's notice.

Sheriff - For your own safety.

There's a sharp short banging sound and both G and C snap their heads towards the source - and relax again as it's just the gas station owner slamming the door closed, keys out to lock up for the night.

C - Ah. Yes officer.

The Sheriff nods, G starts clambering into the driver's seat.

C leans in slightly, pitching voice just loud enough to be heard by the Sheriff.

C - So... we'll see you at the truckstop later?

G swings around in the seat to gawp at him.

G - What truckstop?!

C - (undertone) There's always a truckstop.

There's a silent moment as Sheriff Ed Tom Bart looks them up and down once again. He takes an unhurried few steps over towards Clive, coming to stand just about 2 metres away. Clive' face registers just a trace of dismay and regret at his impulse. Graham is supressing terror with difficulty.

Sheriff - (shifting his hand slightly over the handle of his gun caressingly) Well, boys. That sounds like some sort of proposition.

G - ... He's just taking the piss!

Sheriff gives him a quizzical squint.

C - (while backing away slowly around the car hood, hands up) Having you on, joking, japing, being facetious, fooling...

Sheriff - (some warmth reaching his eyes, though only showing in a tiny smidge of a smile) I thought it might be another, more, uh, exotic proposition.

C - gives a high chuckle that betrays his nerves as he reaches the door and opens it.
 
Sheriff - But. it seems you were just -

C - No! Just, a laugh, a bit of a joke.

G gives a quick head shake while shrugging and smiling.

Sheriff - Just laughing at the fat, pathetic old closet case, huh?

G's mouth open for a moment as he draws in a breath, then shaking his head harder)

C - (a trace of guilt showing) Never!

Sheriff - Well, boys, (gives a disdainful sniff) I may be hopelessly stuck in the backwater ass end of bigoted nowhere, but, uh...

Puzzlement, empathy and pity pass over Clive and Graham's faces, in different measures.

Sheriff - don't flatter yourselves.

Sound of doors slamming. Cut to the interior of the car.

C - (latching seat belt) What. a. bitch. (slapping the music back on, loud)

"Say love
say love
oh love's gonna get you down"

(Rear view of the Sheriff watching them drive away, at just the speed limit. The last traces of the sunset are gorgeous in the distance. Paul the Bear is seen dangling by an arm outside the car, having fallen out and been partially caught in the door in their haste to leave. Her body breaks away from the arm and tumbles onto the damp asphalt.)

"Say love, say love,
oh love's gonna get you down"

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[1] glasses case something like this, but less shiny and not patterned.

[2] "Sam and Max Hit the Road", Adventure game, 1994

[3] Mika's "Lollipop", this remix, DJ Scientist, is a bit too fast, but it's the best fit I've found.

[4] couldn't find this online, the movie of Boys in the Band is not yet on DVD, but an excerpt with the line  dance to Martha and the Vandella's "Heat Wave" is featured in the film Celluloid Closet.

[4] Not nearly as adroit or, uh, hoppy, as this "Lindy hip hop", but I just like this video a lot. The gender/sexuality presentation is about right - not at all embarrassed to be touching each other, but with a bit of jokiness as well.

[5] Ed Tom Bart combines the names of the sheriff characters from No Country for Old Men and Blazing Saddles.

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